Happiness of Marionette 01 ~Wingless~ ch 04

Im so bored, another dull and neverending recess with nothing to do, this college is much better than the last one, a large place with tall trees, and waaay smaller crowd, theres barely any people here in comparison, cheaper, I got a scholarship instead of a lousy credit, and not like those first semester only discounts the others got, mine is for good, there are also students working all day or evening, after or before their classes, must be horrible, all for a scholarship I got by just being me, I dont have to move a finger, for whatever reason, I wouldnt do what they do if I had to, thats such an awful life, I keep watching them and, yuck, so terrible, I would die then.
The religious people running this place are the same from highschool, even with all the trouble I caused, all of that, they must really like me for, I dont know, why do they keep supporting me after all I have done? and Im sure a lot of people do not like me, and, meh, I dont want to think about it. Here is much closer to home, I only have to take one bus, yet its sooo annoying, I wish I had a way to play games here, by now I have tried so many things yet nothing has worked, it all end up the same way, with me moving away cause it has nothing to do with me, Im so bored, Im soooo bored, I hate it here, I wish there was a better place for me to be, yet I cannot think of any, I wish I was home, at least I would feel more stable.
I already tried talking to her, she has a boyfriend whose gonna have sex with on valentines, she told me all about it, shes very nervous, she wanted to rehearsal with me, shes not attractive but I kinda like her, I would be ok with it, but, ahhhg, its just not happening, I dont see myself doing it, at all, it would be great Im sure, yet, I dont feel like I want to live that story, aint that kind of stuff what Im supposed to be happy about?
I already tried talking to her too, since our little date at the park in front of the main gate, and, ahg, I feel weird, its like she wanted me to get inside her mind, yet her vibration was so different, it was not for me to be there, shes good looking and nice, but, intimacy with her its not something I would be looking for, she has a boyfriend already, so.
Oh, her, Im sick of her, I wish I never met her, Im not talking to her again.
About her, ever since I didnt have sex with her at her house, shes been avoiding me, I guess she only keeps talking to me cause were in the same classroom, I dont get it, we were talking so nicely to each other all day, why did she wanted to stop? she has mentioned a million times about her sexual frustrations, but, ahg, if its just sex you can do it whenever, I thought we were becoming friends, for real, do I really look like some hormonal driven idiot? shes never being that smart, maybe I misunderstood everything, aint she the new one that the illusion of love fell upon when I arrived here? I havent even think of the other girls it happened with by now, this is such a mess, I dont love anybody, I cant connect with people, at most its such a shallow feeling of myself, Im not happy here, maybe I should move somewhere else, people here are too stiff, I need an easygoing place where people take it easy, not all of these pretentious crap.
Im so bored, I normally stayed outside by the trees, but I dont want anybody to see me, they all think Im very strange by now, I dont want to vent that fire; the library is so boring, I already went through all the books of both libraries and nothing interesting was there, its always the same polite, society driven stuff, its useless, I wanted some good answers of why people behave this way, so lifeless, there was nothing, I read so many books that there were piles, the clerk was amazed seeing me, but there was nothing, nothing of my interest; the computer room is worthless, the internet connection is dead and the machines ancient, I dont even want to collect stuff to take home, seems so bothersome, and youre not even supposed to do it, theres no point anyway; today I stayed in an empty classroom, with the pretext of doing my undone homework, I never do it anyway, one day I just stopped, again like in all the other schools, such a waste of time, Im already here all morning, I wont sacrifice more, Im not doing the missing homework right now either, I just wanted a place to be, yet its so boring that I keep coming out and look away, there are some girls playing, by now they must think Im interested in one of them cause I keep looking, I do cause theyre playing ball or something, I wish I was playing, something fun, of course theres no way for me to get close and play with them, since they will think its personal, they dont look bad but, its not about that, though maybe I should really get a girlfriend, I really want to have sex with them, I just, ahg, this is so useless.
Around here theres nothing, I already went all around, nothing, theres the Sun mall kinda near, but theres nothing there, and most stores are closed until noon, well, theres food, but I dont have any money to keep buying, besides I cannot eat to solve my boredom, thats just sick, I remember when I got suspended in middle school for three days, I said nothing home, each day packed milk and cookies, instead of walking school I took a bus to the Suns mall, there was absolutely nothing to do, I just waited there like some idiot, the stores were so boring, by the third day I had enough, I bought some chips, soda and a movie ticket at 12:30pm, the movie had big adds, I watched them for two days, when I finally went to the cinema at the underground mini mall behind the Suns mall, it was so boring, I felt depressed when I ate all of the chips, it was supposed to be fun, all of it, a great runaway in secret, it was so boring, I hated it, there was nothing for me to do. When did that happened? how many years? like five? only five? it felt like another life, I really hate all of these, but I must make it all up somehow, this is my life after all.

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One Response to Happiness of Marionette 01 ~Wingless~ ch 04

  1. Pingback: About: Wingless 04-06 | AuAu Over

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