Happiness of Marionette 01 ~Wingless~ ch 05

Finally at home, in my room, every now and then I just get enough of everything, so I leave and go home, I usually do it at 12pm, I say a loud and proud “thats it” and quickly go to the parking car exit, theres still another class that I miss, and then for some reason, theres a two hours english class, for someone who already knows english this is a living hell, and no one really cares, the teacher keeps having a hard time trying to make people pay attention, he really wants to at least have interesting conversations, in english of course, yet nobody wants too, I kinda like him, much more than all grey dudes I get in my english grade, but at that time is really hard for me to be supportive, Im sleepy and hungry, I barely have any breakfast, I dont have money to buy food, at that hour Im very tired already and I dont care either cause of my own problems, I hate english class, I keep dropping it, I dont know why I didnt fail last semester.
Its always being tough, I feel so out of place, ever since high school, I can remember being hungry while watching the others eat or buy food, I do have some money, but if I spend it as I think I should, I wont even have for the bus back home, at least in middle school I lived three blocks away, I still do, I just dont go there anymore. So ever since I have just dealt with the hunger and kept going, eventually I forget it and move on, I dont know where I get the energies, this is really troublesome. The time between high school and the first college was very good, cause I made some money to spend on food and ate at home properly, it was supposed to be only half, but it went for a full year cause the courses didnt start until september, I really liked it back then, I got hopes of going to college being better, but it hasnt so far.
That year by myself worked wonderful, the difference between me before when I went to highschool and after when I went to the first college was huge, I was much more stable and happy, my conversations made sense, I had a much better shape, it didnt last long though, the rough times at the first college were too hurtful, not that it was that bad, at least for everybody else, but I really wish I didnt went there, I had nothing to do there, I hate it so much, it all went really wrong.
First, there wasnt a direct bus there, the same year I stared to go, the bus line that did went broke because of some frauds, there was another covering for them but they were always sooo late, it didnt matter what hour I got to the bus stop, it was always late and I was too for the classes, it gave me so much problems, it ruined my mood since early morning, I hate to get up early, but thats another story. Second, I never felt easy with the debt piling up, how am I supposed to pay all that money? I rather dont do anything than having to pay that, its insane, I have no way of making money, I never had, but in my house they told me that they were going to pay it, they didnt nor do have the money, eventually I left and we never paid that, Im so glad, I wish I never went there, the one thats supposed to be my aunt warned the one thats supposed to be my mother, but she didnt care cause the one thats supposed to be my sister finished her college there, shes so stubborn and arrogant so many times, it only leads to trouble, I just wanted to be there cause the highschool girl I fell in love with was there, yet when I saw her I never wanted to get close, well, thats another story too, its funny cause I made such a big drama when we were going our separate ways, and then, when it actually happened I felt nothing, not even denial, I didnt care for her, so I rejected her, and now I got what I think are my normal feelings for her, I do like her, I get nostalgic, but not that much, I can easily forget about her, I wonder why I did all of that just for her, she wasnt that close to me after all.
And later I separated as well from that girl I met in that first college, she was so different, not that sophisticated but much more easygoing, I still see her but, its been so long of us knowing each other that I dont think anything is going to happen, to know that she wanted to have a baby with me, in her small trap to make some dude get married to her, so she could forget about work and studies, its going very bad for her now, it was such an awful decision, Im glad I didnt follow.
But thats not the worst of the first college, I though I was so strong, but it was false, not all but most, all the health problems started, should I say started then? its like I lived all of my life with it and I just noticed, this is very strange, still to this day I feel the same, Im stable now, but, I always thought what I felt was normal, it turned out that it wasnt.

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One Response to Happiness of Marionette 01 ~Wingless~ ch 05

  1. Pingback: About: Wingless 04-06 | AuAu Over

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