I have changed schools again, this time is different, I didnt lose the course I just did like always, the cheap college has many franchises along the city, I got sick of the one I was and changed for another near my second college, passing the Suns mall, why would I change a place thats three blocks away from my home? cause it is in the afternoon, I no longer have to wake up early, I like it much better being out in the evening, and that place has more people, it sure will be nicer; thats what I thought, it did was better but still the same, its always the same. In a coincidence, a classmate girl also changed schools, I developed a little Illusion of Love for her, but it wasnt really, anything, I dont think I even like her, its just not happening anymore.
Its been better yet theres still a lot of problems, by now I have already lost my patience with stupid schools, luckily its been the best college so far, it has helped to endure the year Ive been there, barely, I missed so much classes but was able to pass, when I first came in it was the second course, I did it all four months, got sick of it and temporarily went off for the next four months, of course I hid it from my so called mother, I was nice enough to not ask for the college money, just for the buses, she didnt question me anyway, those next four months I kept going around town, its not interesting but its much better than that lousy school, I even took some big books from downstairs and sold them downtown for a hundred pesos each. I dont remember well but I think I chose xmas time, by the first week of the third month I said it was over and that I was on vacation, so I happily stayed home without a care until the next year.
When I came back to school I met new people at a new classroom, there were more adults and the social environment was much better, yet it was the same as always, I was already sick of everything and kept distracting myself, every day I could go somewhere else I was happy, I did a bunch of different things and tried to keep going on with my life.
By the second month I really wanted to move forward, so I played as if I was a lawyer already, eventually I got a couple of cases nobody else wanted cause those were practically lost, but I could convince the clients to go on, and a teacher to help me out and divide the money we could get, I did got a little money, but the cases were lost already, there was nothing one could do.
By the third month, a so called classmate male friend talked to me about a situation he had, since he knew what I did and saw me like someone who knew what to do, he asked me for help about a case he supposedly had, his brother had helped a senior citizen that was abused by a fake charity, they put him in the middle of streets and malls begging people for money, many tried to help him in his deplorable condition, but the only one who could got him out of there was the so called friends brother. They denounced what happened but nothing really went on, the gov office in charge of charities retired their permission but didnt stop their operation, and the old dude got a spot at a so called nice true charity nuns place, with no coin in his pocket which he desperately needed, those places do not really support you as they should, as there is a payroll and such to sustain instead, and that was it, all the torture meant nothing against the big corruption. Then the friend took a bribe from the fake charity people, they taped him and denounced him back, but that didnt stopped me, for some reason I just kept pushing it and putting everyone in their proper place, at the end of many months I was alone doing a social activity, so I just stopped myself, eventually it was the key to leave school forever, I guess thats it.
About school, and everything, its something to be forgotten as soon as I can, elementary school was a slumber jail of stupidity, first I was the smart and handsome kid, then the bitter bored one; middle school was the beginning of the lost path, doing the most ridiculous thing ever, confessing my so called love to a dumb female teacher; highschool was pretentious crap, with a one sided relationship only worth when convenient; first college was a painful hell, deep into sickness that destroyed the Illusion of Strength; second college was fake stability, a slow fire on a candle about to completely melt; third college was the last unwanted chance of something despised.
After all the years, people and events, all the emotions and everyday awakening in the morning, its hard to think of anything truly worth, Im not that kind of pessimistic, yet now I realize that everything I ever thought to be normal and a must happen in the world, it was all false, it has nothing to do with me, I cant believe it took me this long to figure it out, the endless nights of weird dreams, the countless days of wasting time, I know that this is not supposed to be after all, yet I dont know what it should, cause there must be somewhere and somehow, I am a person after all, tearing apart further everytime I think about it, and I havent even find out why, I remember the days when my arteries started to rip, I was ready to die, I never knew why I was happy, I am not suicidal at all, but then that night and the next morning, the only thing that happened was a bad too much pizza indigestion, I got sad at the end, while eating the pizza, the scar process started and a new wave of energies pushed me forward, again, I know it all but I dont know why, and now, at this point in my life, I feel like everything I was supposed to live is in the past, I cannot see beyond the days night, this dream, this life, this breathe, its all over, and Im glad it is, but again, I dont know why, maybe I should just close my eyes and, and fall asleep, to, to dream, to dream again, aint those fun? those little dreams, the ones outside the storm, wouldnt, “wouldnt it be funny if I died in this dream before I can make another one up? nobody called, and nobody came.”
…Hey, you, are you ok? hehehe…