He disappeared but I dont need him anymore
Through the vast and empty world
You could do what he could not
My pretty little Marionette.
Path of Dolls ch 01
Hi… hi… hehehe, arent you scared?… no, I already know you… you are hearing a voice inside your head, have you gone completely crazy?… the voice comes from me, and Im not scared of me… hihihihi… I find it funny, “oh, this is how hearing a voice inside your head feels like”, I thought it would be creepy and weird, but its not, a little disappointment I must say.
Theres, mmm, like three things that has helped me live in this world of terrible boredom, first are my pets, the people downstairs ended up having pomeranian dogs, and one of them lived with me after a bunch of circumstantial stuff, I named her Charlene after something I saw on tv, nothing important, Im not good with names anyway. Eventually she liked to be with me, so I brought her upstairs, I took good care of her, she was very spoiled, the vibration was very different than the one downstairs, and she really liked it so she stayed with me, she was my only friend for such a long time, I gave her priorities over other stuff for so many years, yet not over the neurosis and related. She died in advanced age, peacefully, I did good with her but I know I should have done much better, most of what I worried about all my life was worthless, I should have being different, before she died.
Second, long ago I found out that I really liked music, it was a language that could communicate from the depths of my emotions so easily, though it wasnt always very good, it started ages ago with some lousy portable boombox going through all the radio stations, that didnt last long cause I never liked what was on the radio, nor social music, nor party music, nor whatever they want me to hear, I neither liked fake music, I want them to actually play and sing, I didnt like commercial stuff, for obvious reasons, at the end, for I dont remember what reasons, I ended up hearing about the music from NY so many years ago, Im not from there, I dont take drugs, I dont so many things, yet I liked it and stuck with it, many of my previous burned cds went to the trash then.
Third, games, since I was in highschool it has become a huge breath of fresh air, a different world, an actually fun one, at least in comparison, it started with a couple of games that were a gift from one of my so called sister boyfriends, the only one she had at that time, was not bad, I guess, everybody liked him, the games were about slaying monsters in the underground of a cathedral and intergalactic race wars that kept my sanity in those ancient times.
The second and the third came from the computer downstairs, I kept the first at my side happily sleeping while doing the other two, though it was difficult cause I had to share the computer with other people, with my so called sister and for a year with a so called cousin girl who came to study at the same first college I was for a year, then I could see such a huge difference between her experience and mine, I guess money had a lot to do with it, she was comfortable and looking for the future, I was struggling with everything, its easy for me to blame it just on money, but I know everything goes much deeper.
Normally, I was able to use the computer in the mornings while they were at school, later when I went to college too, it was shared time, so annoying. Time fixed that, as it fixes so many things in this world that needs to move, cause at some point over the years they both moved away in their life plans, but not me, I was there as always, and the rule that said all their junk went to me still applied, new computers were sold and no one really wanted that old one, with the rest having no idea of how to use it nor interested in it.
So called mother- Im gonna clean the floor, dont come near here.
Reo- Ahg! Im busy doing something! why does the computer has to be here? I should take it upstairs, nobody else uses it anyway.
-No, no, no, the computer stays here.
-Why do you want it here?
-Youre not taking it with you.
So called aunt who is visiting- Let him take it to his room, he is the only one using it.
So called mother -No, hes going to break it.
So called aunt- Take it to your room, its ok, you have my permission, we will put something nice in this place instead, Im going to change the living room back home, theres some things Im gonna send you (bla bla).
Yey, finally, thanks so called auntie, your pity for me and common sense is very useful at times like this, and its great that you live faraway so you dont get too pushy with the way I live, now to take it all upstairs, this is going to be great.
Where are you going to put it?… theres plenty of space in the room, by this wall will be ok, next to the tv and in front of the bed, ugh, everything is so dusty, and the computer furniture is so bulky, I guess it would be good for storing things, but I dont have any for the computer, and the fake wood is coming apart anyway, and at last Im gonna make good use of this “studying” chair, theres a lot of cables but will be done, I just have to figure out what goes where… you look happy… of course, Im gonna have some privacy now to enjoy what I do… how come you havent learn how to put it together after so long?… cause it wasnt mine, I learned a little when I was borrowing it, but now its my personal belonging, its going to be very different, Ill remove anything trash, create a file organization system and improve everything I use it for, it will be great now that I can have it as my own, youll see.
Path of Dolls ch 02
The first thing I did was watch porn in the comfort of my isolated upstairs room, not that I wanted at that time, I was very busy putting everything together, but they didnt want me to, so I did it, such a relaxing pleasure, just because I could, then back to work.
Is it ready?… done, what do you think?… seems ok… and theres the tv, we can watch it and later play on the computer, mmm, theres something very funny, I feel like those are two completely different worlds, on the tv I only watch, I keep seeing whatever they throw at me, I can change the channels but at the end its the same, Im just there, watching, waiting for something good to come, waiting for the ads to be over, while at the computer is very different, cause Im active, I do what I want and theres much more stuff to be done and choose from, Im gonna try both for a week, if what I think is gonna happen, then I will ditch the tv, except for special occasions, like when shes on tv… who is she?… the actress, I, I kinda love her… actress?… yeah, sorry, you arent mad, are you?… no reason to be… I, I saw her once and kept seeing her ever since, I could go on talking about her for a long while, so Im just going to say that I love her, very much, somehow… Im looking forward to experience that… it will be time for the show in a couple of hours.
Ooohh… I told you she was very pretty… mmm, yes… I think you are very pretty too, hehe… dont you feel such a strange feeling for her?… yes, I have noticed that… I wonder where it comes from… its not like I think dirty stuff about her, Im very respectful, I really care about her… whats the difference? you dont even know her… I know but, I like to behave this way, I, I dont want to do anything bad to her, I like her being happy, the way she smiles… have you gone completely insane?… probably, Im hearing a voice inside my head, aint I?… to have fallen in love with an actress on tv, at least you should have some fun and think about having sex with her… well, I would, but, there a huge feeling in the middle, there are more important things than just having fun… really?… I wish I could tell you why… dont worry, I will get that in time… would you do that for me? that would be great… its not only for you, its for us, I need to find out where that feeling comes from, I will do it, dont worry… sounds wonderful, pretty crazy though… trust me… I want to trust you, but I feel a little weird… you must abandon all your normal emotions, those are worthless… but… its not like you have a choice, and Im not talking about your confusion, Im gonna do it anyway… Im ok with it… Im not saying that you dont, what Im telling you is that Im gonna do everything I want, consider yourself mine… normally that would sound horrible, but I actually feel good, and peaceful, with harmony… its better that way… mmm, hehe, yes.
You look happy… Ive been having so much fun lately, ever since I first heard you in my head… its been good for me too… Ive been hearing you for a looooong while, but only now its so clear… I know… its weird to remember how many years have passed… your mind configuration was faulty, thats why you couldnt hear me, like a coded signal, an abstract thought… sorry… dont be, it is actually my fault… how is it?… there was a big fight, so long ago… really? with me?! what happened?… I could explain you but thats advanced information, you wont be able to understand it… oh, ok… I wont be explaining anything complicated these days, you need to grow stronger… I can try right now, Im strong, how hard can it be?… it will be of no use, you need to create the structure for it, most like remembering it… I though I was smart… its not about that… I guess Ill have to wait… no, its not about time, weve waited enough already, you have to work and make it happen… mmm, seems like something that will take forever… youre gonna have to, or will be the end of you… Im not that depressed… its not about depression, I will destroy you… hehe, thats good motivation… Im serious, you know?… of course, but Im not scared, it actually sounds like a good idea.
What?… Ive been wanting to ask… yes?… are you the actress?… no, I aint no actress, and Im not the woman you see on tv… it would be great if you were… but Im not, and you already know that… are you the computer?… dont be ridiculous… what? you could be… dont be stupid… ok, sorry, mmm, what are you then?… the real question is who, who am I?… werent you me?… yes, and no… thats very confusing… thats the truth, its not my fault you dont understand… then who are you?… advanced information, I could tell you but you wont be able to understand… you can try me once in a while… dont blame me if you dont get it… ok… do I look like you?… well, no, youre a girl, Im a boy… who do I look like?… the actress… mmmmmm… hehe, sorry, I, you seem familiar but I cant figure it out, I can barely see you, let me guess, a guardian angel… no, I aint… can you look around if theres any?… there aint, stop bothering me with that… I thought it would be cute… I aint no angel… are you a spirit trying to take over my body and soul?… not really, though I do, I am taking over you, but I aint no strange spirit… you say so… so what?… sorry, just curious… are you able to understand things now? youre too happy playing with this… ahhggg, dont be so pushy… we wasted too much time already… Im doing my best now… you see a beautiful girl in me, but Im not actually her, Im an image of her… image?… yes, a thought that escaped from her troubled mind… can I meet her?… how?… cant you take me to her?… how?… I, I dont know, is she ok?… shes trapped, but dont worry, Im here… ah, ok, I guess… dont worry I say, Im gonna take good care of you now… are you my mother?… what?!… mother, are you?… hehehe, not really, but you could say that I am… I finally understood who you are, mother, I missed you so much.
Path of Dolls ch 03
Is there something worrying you?… Im happy but, ahg, the small vacation will be over soon, I hate school, I dont want to go back… its troublesome… I know youve been with me at school before, but now its different, this is important, I dont want to waste my life there… dont you want some diploma?… no… dont you think youre going to need it?… no, especially now since you told me this is it… but that ugly woman downstairs wont let you take it easy… I know, ahg, I hate her… dont hate her… she wont leave me alone!… dont hate her, thats an order… ok, I guess… theres no point hating her… I need to do something about her, she is the one causing so much problems, everybody else do not bother me for one reason or another… youre gonna slowly influence her behavior, shes an awful person now, but that will change… can it be done?… sure, trust me… ok.
What?… remember that case about the old dude and the fake charity? the last week of classes I was mostly absent cause I was doing stuff about it, in the morning, but I was too lazy to go to school in the afternoon then, and, Im very annoyed, it turned out the stupid dude that was supposed to be my friend, left me behind and met the fake charity married couple for a monetary settlement, the idiot took it all for himself, he didnt gave anything to the old dude, and me neither of course, the funny part is that they taped him and then denounced him of extortion… ha, dumb idiot… yeah, but heres the awkward part, they put my name in the denounce… so what? they have nothing… Im extremely angry… I feel the same way… its just a scare tactic to cool this whole problem, they want to go back into their fake charity business, in time get the government permission once again, while keeping the old dude silent with the money and denounce… so, nothing will happen, but… Im raging inside, since my name is in it, I may be called to testify and such, even get charged of something made up, just to keep me quiet, I dont think is serious though… were incredibly angry… what make believe those idiots they can scare me? me! Im gonna make them pay, Im drooling in excitement, I didnt get any money… that was good… I wasnt going to take any that way, I was going to do it properly, it goes to the old dude, then he can give me some for the work, mmm… were so angry… if I see some cop dude knocking on the door Im gonna… I have a better plan, its time for you to move… I already got in contact with the old dude, I told him what happened and convinced him to make me his lawyer, I did it very quick, he is a key piece, I had to take it first… hehehe, Im sure nobody wants him now… yeah, hes very desperate… they all gonna regret not taking that piece… I was thinking, its time to go offensive, it will be the best defense, Ill teach them all who they are dealing with, miserable worms… the reason that fake charity causes all those problems is because the government is letting them, you have to go against them… I thought of that, theyre the ones holding all the evidence in a secret archive, but they cant do whatever they want, there are plenty of law requirements they cannot fulfill at this point, it would be contradicting to what has already happened… theres no point trying to attack the fake charity with those idiots covering them, make a warning, if they dont listen a full attack, prepare it all… I need to study a lot, I already kind of figured out how to make the scripts, but I need to know exactly what laws cover it… there must be some… I can get it all from the internet, aint that cool? the laws, how the government should work, and I got the info I have of the fake charity too.
I like you when youre confident… are we really going to do this? seems very big… you have my permission, you need to attack… I hate to study now, I wish I was doing something fun, but it was worth, now I understand how things works, theres a system for charity stuff, and a department that watches over the private charities, theyre our main enemy, but heres where it gets funny, the board of directors of that department, the ones who hold from making criminal or civil charges against the fake charity, is integrated by some interesting people, theres the director of the same department, who is an old politician with a good social reputation; the director of the department of public charity, who happens to be the wife of the governor, also some businessman and other state workers; the human rights department is involved, they are supposed to watch over everything as well, and they all obviously let it happen; theres more, the fake charity went to jail a couple of days in response of the old dudes denounce, but it was really cause they were angry and tried to intimidate the government private charity department after they removed their license, as they were asking for a lot of money and properties in different places, the government people used the case of the old dude to scare them, then the judge let them out just because; Ive been thinking for a while, I have plenty of space and people to attack, and they already made the decisions, they cant go back, if they want to scare me, Ill give them a good bite instead.
Path of Dolls ch 04
I visited the old dude plenty of times, as a consolation prize, they put him in a so called good public retirement home run by nuns, good in comparison, I got him to sign some papers for me, in order for people to know I represented him.
I told him that everytime the nuns and employees brag about doing everything for free, to tell them that it is a lie, that they get government money for taking care of them, so they better do a nice job, stupid rotten worms; he listened to my advise and told the nuns, of course in a gentle way, and they respected him ever since, he has told me that he also offered himself to help them, now that hes sure they wont take advantage of him.
For some reasons I get some weird emotions from the place, I dont like the nuns, not for the obvious reasons, I dont like that they speak spanish, but what else would they speak? its so strange, the place is very large, with long hallways, gardens and many rooms, I hate the smell of old people and nuns, including the horrible food they get fed with, removing all of that makes it seem like a nice place, I dont actually feel that bad going there, somehow.
Complaining to the government about the government takes a lot of time, but in the meantime we were lucky, the old dude once had money and houses, his parents were from the country, they sold their land and died, he got the money and moved to the city, eventually grew old, some young girl liked the money and decided to get married with him. A couple of years later, the brother of the girl wanted to take it all now instead of waiting, they constantly drugged him and took everything, he ended up on the street without a coin, his luck got even worse when someone knew about the fake charity and gave them a call, they picked up and kept him for many months in horrible conditions, even their crazy daughter used to scare him with knives. Well, the only thing they didnt took from him was a couple of graves at the municipal graveyard, its been full for a while so the graves do give some money when sold, I had to prepare everything to be done, and it was, we got some money to live, yey!
Theres an old mall near the retirement home, its boring but theres a record store there, I used part of the money I got to buy Lou records, Ive been listening to his songs lately, and wow, the stories, the music, the emotions, I was very happy, cause I lost my internet connection, and I cant pay for it, I did the math and it was sooo expensive, Im kind of sad with all this working, so the first thing I did was go buy them and hear them a lot, I love Lou but I wont be buying records from business anymore, one cd was mexican printed and selferased, one was missing a song, and one was scratched, thaaats it.
Working is boring, so Ill tell it as fast as possible, mmm, its something to be proud at but Im bored, theres nothing else worst than being bored, everybody at the government offices respected me, either like what I do, are cautious of me, or hate me passionately in frustration cause their bosses warned them not to do anything stupid, those people are incredibly greedy and arrogant, some didnt listened to their bosses and tried to scare me, sometimes even tried to bite me, I just laughed and pushed the bosses again, to later see their tiny dogs moving their tail with their heads down instead of barking, pathetic little dogs.
This thing is too big, I denounced everybody everywhere, I made a lot of people angry and worried, but I was always nice if they deserved it, some quickly noticed that and spread the word around. A powerful weapon in my hand was an illusion, because of my good clothes, confidence and skill, they believed I was someone important working undercover, when I am actually just me.
Months passed by and the case reached a stalemate, I had everything in favor but it was difficult for the government to move forward, it was their mistake before, the one I took advantage of, they didnt want to do it again, I pushed for long until a turning point, the director of the private charity department died, the main responsible for letting the fake charity exist, I thought it was the best moment for a second attack wave, but certain someone stopped me saying that I had to end it, that there was no honor kicking some corpse, and ordered me to settle everything, after all that work! I even had to go to the stinky jail cause there are the criminal courts, theres also a junkyard near and it smells like rotten trash all day long, ahggg, but of course I did as ordered, all in a couple of days, I was so tired.
Thats not the only thing I ended, certain someone also told me, at the very beginning, that it was the perfect time to ditch school, and I did, with the excuse of a future fortune with a big case, it felt reeeeally good.
Finally, I told the old dude what was going on and explained the situation, I was always honest with him, he got depressed, was going to be angry but then realized how much I had worked, that I did believe we were going to make it, I helped him a lot too, in order to move on now, the last time I called him on the phone, just to check how he was, he faked a joyful voice, said thanks Mr Lawyer and goodbye, the once key piece had lost its value on a dusty gameboard, yet regain some pride on its own instead of just falling into a void.
Path of Dolls ch 05
How do you feel about it?… at least people respect me now, they dont push me into going to school… I think they lost hope for you, they must think youre crazy now… why? I did great… you didnt get the money, thats the whole difference, if you would have gotten it you would be a genius, you didnt, so youre just a weirdo, they dont put you in a nuthouse cause its more expensive, hehe… its just money, how can it be the difference?… cause they wanted that money… mmm, so annoying, first they wanted me to be big and strong, I did and they felt intimidated, then they wanted me to be someone important, I did and they call me crazy… they just want money… I understand that now… why did it take you so long? its all about money, the first priority in their minds is money to spend… I guess they dont want me to be a bigger burden, and theyre actually glad that I havent done anything for a while, it was such a great idea to stop going out, to stop caring about the horrible ideas they have… crazy people stayed locked at home, hehehe… as long as they dont bother me is fine.
Its been so nice lately… yes, I was really looking forward ending all of that, I feel great being with you, I was being lazy with the work at the last part anyway, and we did got some money, instead of two hundred pesos now I have two thousand, is still nothing but way more comfortable to have, I even could buy a new monitor, I was sick of that box crap, and a new mouse, though I find it amazing that I could finish that game with my finger instead of the tracking ball, but, mmm, I wish I could have bought something better… with what money? its ok, we need to move forward… when I settled the case, I implied and they offered me the option of making my own charity, getting the permits to be and beg are not that easy, and getting the tax deduction stuff is hard, cause theres where the money is, everybody wants it badly, instead of paying taxes you give it to a so called charity, from what I understand its not always one hundred percent the amount you donate, it depends of how much the fiscal gov department authorizes you, its all decided in secrecy, and then what to do with that money starts, with so much corruption theres no charity, or barely, the donator gets something back, the charity spends it all in paychecks for employees and such, or just fake their work and take it, the government people get their bribes, the poor still rot, oh, and during election time it becomes a way to fund the campaigns, they push their people into donating, they give them the tax deduction and take it all, the tv ads are not cheap, and yes, the poor still rot… and they do nothing about it, thats one of the reasons I told you to stop, there was only you, when its a social problem, at least thousands of people affected should have been complaining too, but they were not, it was only you, and youre not even one of them, you alone could create such a big problem for them, imagine a thousand people doing the same, yet theyre not interested in it, so were not doing anything anymore… what about having our own charity? I could make some money then… no, thats disgusting, besides, I want you out of the mafia stuff, its too dangerous… nah, Im the one people gets afraid of, you shouldnt worry… Im not worried about them, I am about you… what could I do? Im harmless… theres a lot of power inside you… I can handle the situation… no, you cant, its too much power for you, like you wouldnt imagine, one rage attack then and Im gonna lose you… meeeh, what Im going to do then? you didnt want me to make defensive bombs in case they came after me back then… you got piles of papers that prove corruption, thats your defensive bomb, but you dont even need it, youre a bomb yourself, besides, why would anybody care to mess with you? its not worth the huge problem, they already know how quickly and heavily you act, remember when someone of the public charity office went to threat the old dude? you went to visit the office of the wife of the governor the next day and pushed hard, so they put their small idiots to apologize for their so called own mistake… soooo, what now?… you take it easy, and thats an order… well, its being nice at home lately, one time my so called mother was talking on the phone with my so called aunt, she was bragging about not giving me any food cause I didnt liked what she cooked, I dont like most of it so I always end up eating something else, but my so called aunt told her that it was stupid, that I was doing crazy things in order to get money and buy food, that it was wrong… wow, shes pretty cool… as long as she doesnt go further trying to tell me what to do, I already know whats next, anyway, since she sends the money we actually live with, she had to listen to her, its been very calmed here lately, and I love it, I really need to take it easy, after so long.
Path of Dolls ch 06
We need to do something about this place… what?… how to say it properly, you have too much trash… eh? but… youll feel better throwing all the old away… I may need it someday, its all I have… dont gather trash!… its not trash, its… we dont need so much of these, its time to give it or throw it away, I rather see empty space than useless stuff… aahhh… what?… I dont know what to say… move! its time to work… how do I know what its trash and what its not?… start with the obvious, well do the rest later… ok, bubububu… and hurry, I dont want to spend all day looking at your trash… Ive been thinking, why do we talk in english?… feels normal to me… were in the middle of mexico… so?… am I trying to feel cool or what?… I speak english… Im mexican… have you ever wondered how did you learn english?… watching tv… Im not saying that you cant, but, are you sure? that was very quick, and awkward if you paid enough attention, which nobody here does… I used to watch a lot of tv, sadly… not that much… then what is it?… you didnt learn, you remembered… oooh, really?… can you at least remember when you supposedly learned english?… mmm, yes… when you said later, oh I remember this bunch of words, where did you remembered them from, a tv show?… mmm… some character of a show? youre saying thats the origin… no, not really, well, yes, but, there was, something else… can you tell what?… youre making me nervous… Im gonna let go now… great… just because its advanced information… sounds like a lame excuse for being crazy… youll see one day, I know you feel dumb and frustrated, you want to explode and see it all right now, at once, but youre gonna have to wait, do it properly… ok, at least youre here.
I have a game for you… really?… yes, what do you think of prostitution?… thats theres a bunch of massages centers around here, the girls look very attractive though I havent seen them in detail, I wish I had some money I wouldnt need to use on another priority, also that, doing that, its wrong, thats what everybody around me thinks, if they saw me in one of those places, it would be bad, shameful… why?… because they think so, oh, Im such an idiot… at least you realize it now, next, do you like pretty girls?… yes, I like pretty girls… how much?… very much, theyre pretty… what if I was to tell you that you are a pretty girl… hahaha, that sounds nice, hehehe… well, you are… oooohh, really?… dont you feel it? inside your belly… its a little shameful, Im supposed to be a boy, aint I? if I was a girl, I would be a freak… start getting comfortable with it… Im not going to cut myself, right?… dont be stupid… I know… and Im gonna make it more interesting, what do you think of lesbians?… seems cool, I really like pretty girls loving each other… well, you are one… eh? hahahaha… now you know why you cant relate to people, besides the other stuff, youre a girl, and youre lesbian… sounds delightful, but so troublesome… what girl is going to like you as a girl? hehehe… so annoying, anything else?… your womb… ah! dont touch me… you hide it very well, do you want to take an xray?… with all that could possibly come out, no way, and I dont like doctors anyway… ok, but why are you so shy?… I dont know… its just your belly, why dont you like people touching you… you can touch me… but not anybody else, what have you been hiding all these years?… I dont like people touching me… why is that?… I wont let my powers to anybody!… hehehe… oh! what was that?… hahaha… that was scary… advanced information, I wont even try explain it now… how convenient… why dont you try to remember yourself?… ok… have you ever felt like that before?… mmm… Ive been watching over you since ages ago, taking care of you, it could be dangerous to leave you alone as you are… I have many memories of that, but, its all blurry… because of the aggressive part, I made it blurry for you… there was one time that wasnt really aggressive, I guess, it was a game but I didnt like it, at the second college, the classmates were talking by the soccer field, I noticed that they were throwing each other to the ground and falling on top of that person, as a game, I got close cause I didnt think they would try that with me, but they did, I really really did not like it… there were some girls, you could have touch them and let them too, wouldnt that be nice?… it wasnt about that, the game was fine, it was me, I got sort of angry cause I didnt want them to touch me at all, yet they were playing and was difficult to make them be scared, they didnt care, so… I remember that… I couldnt fight them back cause of the situation… there wasnt a killer instinct, cause is waaay easier when they want to kill you… at the end I stood there, like a big rock, they all tried to push me but they couldnt, at all, they tried two times and nothing, I totally freaked them out… lets forget about those stupid people and focus on you… theres a lot of dust in the room, now I feel glad to be throwing these away… you never cleaned?… no, but to be fair, I never saw the dust.
Path of Dolls ch 07
Feeling good lately… ah, Im so tired… you havent slept in days… I dont need to, Im happy, I have plenty of energies, I feel so alive… have we crossed the week line?… I dont even know how many days it has been, I think it was sunday the other day, ahhh, this feels so goooood!… is the game that good?… its not my kind of game, many stuff is meh, but it has nice music, a lot of scenarios and attacks, addictive rpg style, everytime I think I can take a break, I finish an scenario and Im playing the next, so I keep going… Im glad youre happy, but remember that we have work to do later, this is just a joyful vacation… of course, aahhh! if life is going to have this vibration from now on, its going to be a good life… sounds great to me… this is so crazy, I have taken only two baths in so many days, I quickly eat and come back to play, I wake up in the middle of my sleep in order to keep playing, I stopped going out nor caring about it, Im so happy, and so glad you gave me permission to do this… I always make good decisions… and in the little time I could sleep, Im spending it thinking like this, talking to you, Im a little sad though, the game has many years since released, yet Im playing it just now, all the lost years… dont worry, its not like you would have been able to play it before… still, I feel bad… forget about that too… I wonder why I didnt feel this much with the other games before, and why I did with this one… here you have characters you can relate at least a very little, the others were generic kill it all… yes, I never liked that… it may happen again, you know, theres a lot of stuff we dont like about this new game, is very childish and unreal, though it will remain as our favorite as long as theres no other better… I completely agree with what youre saying, but, in some layer of my mind, I have no idea what you are talking about… really?… Im not sure, I do remember stuff from the old days, that I liked so much, I dont know why I stopped doing it… because it wasnt for you… but I felt great, and now remembering… it is nostalgia, you felt good at that particular time for a certain reason, most likely because your life was so horrible and boring, a small spark may have seemed like a big fire… youre such a mood killer… and youre a wuss, Im gonna have to make you tougher… Im on vacation right now… theres a huge war for you to deal with in the future, you have to be ready… of course, I will, Im confident about it… it will get messy… Im not afraid of anything… hehe, thats the spirit… nostalgia, eh?… yes… mmm… since the stuff you were watching wasnt really that good, its all about you, now it feels good to remember, cause youre remembering about you feeling good, the reaction it caused on you… oohh… these are just machines, you can leave them on and go away, then nothing will happen, its all about the reaction you have, its all inside you, the real game… ooohhh… do you want to go back to the computer and play?… hehe, yes, but no, Im feeling very good with you right now, I think we will hang around for a while and then I will fall asleep, happy… ok… youre such a nice mother for letting me play all day, I love you… of course, I am great… I wish this could have happened sooner, instead of wasting my life so much with all those horrible people, and my stupid decisions I regret so much… well, the woman downstairs has started to change by your influence, slowly, but now its noticeable cause shes not bothering you that much lately, in spite of you not going out… maybe because I stopped listening to her… do you really believe she is not your true mother?… she can keep saying that, I dont believe it… aint that sooo convenient for you? cause you dont want her to be… it is the truth, no matter the situation nor the people telling lies, the structures are very clear about it, I am not her son, that I know for sure even if nobody else says so… and who is your true mother then?… you?… no, Im just playing to be… then who?… advanced information… I knew you were going to say that, just tell me already, this is so annoying… its not my fault that youre dumb, if you want direct words then be able to understand them… Im very sleepy right now, and Im happy, I wish this could go on forever… it will, you been there is the difference… zzz.
Path of Dolls ch 08
Youre so cute like this… I love sleeping together and listening music, Im glad to have finally figured out how to connect the stereo to the computer, it was so simple, I just needed the adapter, and I already had one, I feel so stupid, hehe… well, those computer speakers you bought are useful now, the pc has low volume output, we can use them to amp it up… and they sound good enough for the night when we need something more quiet… were going to need some headphones eventually… I really like the stereo, it sounds very good for what it is, but Im not completely happy, and its very old, they gave it to me like ten years ago or something… being old is not bad, you have no idea how old you are, advanced information of course… its not about old, the stereo has some problems… sounds good enough, and we hear it all day, aaaaall day long… “despite all the amputations, you can still dance to the rock and roll station”, right? do I still have a chance? this feels so great, I dont want it to end… of course, I dont have to get rid of you, I believe in you, that you can make it… now is so much comfortable with the stereo plugged to the computer, I can be in bed however I want and still feel the music, the kick, right here, in the middle of my chest, it really moves me.
I told you it would work… she is still nasty, and complaining that we dont go out all day, but she is changing indeed… she is the key, if we can handle her then we will be able to take it easy at home… she used to make me mad, but now I dont care… its not about closing your eyes and ignoring her, its the reaction she causes on you… shes full of poison, I dont need that… and shes not your mother, why did you care in the first place?… I dont know, why did this happen anyway?… do you really want to know?… yes, I want to know how did I ended up here… its probably a very sad story… I know that already, for the heavy of the depressions… maybe you have some chemical imbalance and get sad just because… that aint it, Im not that stupid, I know whats going on with me, but I cant see whats behind… anything you can remember?… mmm, eh, no, just sadness… its not only about me telling you, being able to remember is important… mmm, no, nothing… youre still out of shape, you need to resemble your original self more closely, then youll be able to move forward… so whats the next step?… remove all of the bad influences, those poisoned vibrations have to be defeated… cant I just ignore it?… what did I just say? they have control of you already, you need to fight them back now… Ive tried to but no good results so far… youre doing it wrong, you just want to brute force everything without giving it a shape, you need to focus your strength… aaah, like how?… lets try something easy, a weak one, how about, a few days from now, your so called mother called you names and you went into rage… I decided to forget about it, I shouldnt have gotten so angry… its ok to be angry, but you need to properly show it, if you go in rage like that you become a freak show for the audience to enjoy… what shall I do now?… know how to deal with the situations, but first, it already controls you, its inside you, it is a little monster lurking in the shallow depths of your inner self… thats disgusting… of course, thats why you need to defeat it in battle… wont that leave, like, green blood and guts?… its crashed corpse will have to be the least of your worries… ok, how do I beat it?… you have to figure it out by yourself, dont ask me everything… ok… this is no simple game, there are no boundary rules, only logic, dont expect things to happen or have effect without a reason… Im ready… inside you, theres a monster controlling your emotions, making you display a shameful version of yourself around that stupid woman, can you see it?… mmm, yes, that thing aint that big, but so annoying… if you beat him up, you wont be doing those mistakes again… ok, here I go, eh, shall I, what, punch it?… whatever it takes, we want it dead… I hate you so much, ahhh!… pathetic… ah! where did it go? that thing is fast… you are the slow one, very… ahg, that thing keeps moving… be glad its not attacking… I cant do it like this… come up with something then… ok, eh, can you do it for me?… I could do it in a second, barely moving a finger, but it will come back cause you keep feeding it… I must concentrate… yes… I need to see it properly… yes, dont run like crazy, hold your ground, lurk it with energy, let it be the one after you… its coming… stay calmed, it must be trying to provoke you… it wont work… it will get desperate, is in its nature, just wait for it… its near… defense and counter, let it come for you, do not attack it first… it really wants to tease me… watch it get angry at its failure, spoiled little idiot… almost… its in shock because of the change, it will attack with its full force, its afraid of the end… I got it, now!… yey! you did it! clapclap, Im so proud of you… hehe, direct punch in the chest… you have a lot of strength, only a very good punch and you killed it… I would have never been able to aim without defending first… you did great little one… I realized something, this is very dangerous, its not just a game, its claw was very sharp, if it had reach me it would have hurt a lot… this is serious, but dont get nervous and focus on what youre doing, the dangers do not have to happen just because it could… would you have done it this way, defense and counter?… I dont need to counter it, Im too powerful, I would just beat it, dont worry, when you get stronger youll be able to attack without defending first… then you should have done it… its not about me, you have to be able to do it by yourself, if you want to keep existing, otherwise I will have to take complete control of you, and destroy you… sounds good, hehe… that was a very small one, expect much worse monsters later… ok, Ill be ready.
Path of Dolls ch 09
You should break up from them, those two are no good… but theyre supposed to be my friends, I feel bad about it… why did you say supposed?… because, you know, its not like we have that much in common, especially now… did you have before?… we went to highschool together, I could talk to them when there was no one else, weve been seeing each other for some years, its been kind of nice, well, good times and bad, mostly very meh if I put myself to remember… those are circumstantial, not common things in personality, youre not truly friends with them, nor them with you, now its the time to end it… I was thinking about that… cut your relation with them, its an order… ok, if its an order… hehehe… hehehe.
Its for the best… one of them, I like him, he is a nice guy, but, he was always so close minded about what it should be and not, in spite of being smart, progressive and compassionate, I always hated that he kept himself in a bubble of morals and such… now you know why, if you werent so stupid you would have figured it out earlier… I know, now he finally had enough, got out of his closet, into a big fight with his parents, and then had to move out… good for him, maybe, I dont really care… he is veeery poor now, but he has his career and living with a boyfriend, mmm, I think he already moved with someone else… and the problem with your so called friendship is?… everything he wants to do is gay this and gay that, I dont fit it… to be fair, you were the same with anime for a while, anime this and anime that… he used to like it… its not about being gay or liking anime… were not really friends, a change and the connection is lost… exactly, it was mostly circumstantial, the roots were no deep, if you ever see him again, smile at him and say hi, but thats it, there aint much else to do… ok.
The other one, the doctor… I could say that I have more things in common with him, but that was at the time I used to watch tv, and I hate it now… its going to be the same as with the other so called friend… we used to joke about stuff all the time, it was fun, especially in the middle of so much emotional oppression, but… but?… it was circumstantial, were too different, in many ways, Im sick of him, its like he is stuck with me cause he doesnt have a girlfriend, and he doesnt want to get one because he is not working now, he wants to offer a girl prosperity in order for him to be liked, thats sick, and annoying, now I know why he wants to do it, he is so insecure, he likes to do the same old forever, even if its absolutely boring, we used to go to the movies every saturday or such, until I realized that my money was disappearing in some stupid crap I didnt even like, so I stopped, I told him that I was only going for the mall, and he got mad, like it was boring to just be with me, I was going to break up then but he quickly adapted, later I started to cut all expenses while with him, and I realized I had more fun buying ice cream and pizza rather than being with him, I didnt have the money, and he became such a drag… you sound like an old tired wife… its like I was, everytime I got back home I felt bad about the experience… you know what they say about dating doctors, hahaha… Im sure hes going to get all sentimental… he never bought you anything, her mother was the one who fed you convenience store pizza a couple of times when you visited his home, to hell with him, a burden that doesnt give money its not worth to keep… ok, I already stopped responding to his mails.
Dont you feel great about breaking up with those people, the only ones left would be those living downstairs, but thats another league… Ive been thinking… yes?… if Im a girl and have a womb… yes… why dont I have big breasts? I like big breasts, like the girls in those bouncy animes, they seem very happy… you dont know when to shut up, do you?… I want big breasts!
Path of Dolls ch 10
Right!… yey… left!… got it… uh, uhhhh, very strong combo… hehehe… you beat that thing up too much… cause I hated it so much, stupid monster, I never liked those haircuts, Im gonna do whatever I want to my hair and dont feel bad about it… you have since a long while ago… but I always cared obsessively of what others thought of me, just like that idiot woman, and all those years when she kept doing her pathetic side hairstyle on me, and the hair gel, I was the laughing stock at school, everything to shape me in her lame ways and the one of her dead pitiful son, I hated it all, to rage, to burst, to… enough, its obvious that youre wrong cause you mentioned about school, control yourself, I dont want to beat you up into sense again… sorry, Im just… I dont care, if you cant deal with your emotions it means youre useless to me… Ive been getting very strong, I bet I could kill them all now, for real… this is real, and you dont have permission for that, I dont know what you are looking for… what if I do it on my own? you dont have to get involved… and then what?… I keep on killing, everyone I can see, and remember, I should kill… and? then what? you havent answered little boy… because I dont know… why would you kill then?… I dont know how to answer that either… you have a big isolated room with a bathroom, some good food, and even a computer to play with, are you looking for better things?… well, yes, but I would not kill for that… again, then what?… theres a lot of things that I cannot see, but Ive been thinking, its been such a long while, I should… no… I should get enough money to… no… to go see the actress… no I said… I must see her now, I need her, I desperately need her, its been too long already, I found her years ago, shes gonna move on with her life, and I havent got any closer at all, I dont think I will ever make it now, I feel my life is nearly gone, and I never made it, I never tried, Im still here, stuck, I dont want to be here… do you hate your room?… no, I love it… then, once again, what?… I must find her, people around me have money, if I collect it from them all, I could get enough for a plane ticket and such… you dont even know if the flight pressure would rip your broken arteries, you havent scarred properly… a bus then, a donkey, whatever, theres thousands of poor people going to the border all the time, Im doing better than them, why cant I?! why do I have to stay here?!… because Im here… I already know it, that you want her too… not that way, and Im certain about it… doesnt it hurt? let me go, I can make it, Im stronger now, I can figure out the rest, let me just go, shes making a new show, I dont want to have to watch it!… then dont… how can I miss it?!… I dont care, dont!… ahhhgggg… as long as Im here you wont be doing anything stupid… its not stupid… dont cry, have some honor, that idiot girl, Im not falling for her again… I must go!… over me, do it! defeat me!… I, I… do it! if you ever want to give into your foolish temptations, its over me, forgotten vessel, dusty shell, small broken tank, obey me or face destruction, you miserable being!… bububu, dont need to go overdramatic… oh! youre feeling better… thanks, because of you… what about the actress?… I hate her boring shows anyway… her roles are not that bad, maybe, I rather dont think about it… Im sick of her… you shouldnt watch her then… I cant ignore her… the time is running, the monsters around this place are very week, but there are way stronger to be faced, you wont be able to defeat them as you are… monsters like what?… for example, the illusion your so called mother influenced in you, becoming her dead son… how could that happen?… you were ordered to survive, yet its not like before, your strength is very passive, mostly defensive, as you are now, your attack force is very low but your resistances very high… but why did I fall?… one of your defenses is making illusions, why endure a fight in that condition when you can hide in the shadows, the illusion of not being there and being someone else, who would be able to live a normal life, yet you were faulty, and believed in the illusions as truth… not nice to be defective… its just what happened… was I different before?… yep, you were very different… so Im basically now a punching bag… holding something very precious inside… you?… Im just an image of her, and youre a small broken tank… do you believe I could do it?… going for the actress? I know you can do many things, but actually find her? I dont know, Im not sure, shes so faraway, and she seems strong, if you were to fight her you would need to be much stronger, or at least very cruel not to hold back… you already found out about her, dont you?… not her, but our emotion for her, its not a nice story… I guess you can tell me but I wont be able to understand it… thats right… its no use, anything… dont cry for her, she doesnt deserve it, and dont give up now, Im not in the mood to cheer you up joyfully as always, just dont give up… Im so tired, Im about to faint… dont give up, thats an order… Im so useless, its something so simple, it tears me apart not being able to do it, why me? why am I here? why am I not there? not that she has to love me, but I cant even play her game, there must be a way somewhere… youre not going to find her, aint that very sad? aint that completely depressing, heart crushing, you, will, not, be, able, to, meet, her, ever, she will exist and you wont… “staring at the pictures move, she looks like the hidden form to be, she seems so closely to me”… “just goes to show how wrong it can be, and now, Im gonna stop wasting my time, somebody else would have broken both of your arms, sad song”… sad song… I get the feeling you would not like her in person, nor her to you… good excuse to stay home.
Path of Dolls ch 11
Again?… yes, uuuhh, it hurts so bad, gggg… you just got better, supposedly I see… Ive been thinking, this is too much and has continued for so long, uuumm, is there something I should worry about? is there anything breaking?… you have to learn how to stabilize yourself… ever since I started to wake up, the pain, is too hard, I know it always was there, but now its, chronic, I, ahhhgg… its the injuries of your former self, she couldnt heal those, she could handle it, but you dont cause youre too weak… is this going to get worse?… yes, much worse… uummm, my head, my body, everything hurts, everything… dont be overdramatic, not all is in pain, you see, there are two reasons for the amnesia to have happened, first the emotional pain, the sadness and deep depression that you feel… that is horrible too… the second is the physical pain, from all, you know, that… I feel like this pain is so old, and that I have felt it for ages… it is from so long ago… actually I dont know, that what?… I dont think now its the proper time to say it… this is living torture that never goes away… this can be a good chance for you to develop… Im not in the mood… you have to, can you see where it comes from?… I actually can, theres a lot of emotions, like regrets and such… the girl could never heal, it was her emotions that prevented it, she couldnt close the injuries, if someone cuts you with the poison of hate, and you absorb the hate, the injury wont close, even physically, the blood will keep bursting through the shallow intent of a scar… isnt that what Im doing? healing everything… yes… it started much sooner, the first time I stayed at home instead of going to school… you and I kept trying to awake since much before, but then it was the first really strong time… now I realize why I like so much to be in the place Im not supposed to, it feels so great, like theres a whole world of magic, time broke and I made it elsewhere… yes, it is exactly that… I wanted to look like before, so I started to let my hair grow long, very long, against everybody else… hehe, though it was difficult with the heat of this place… I really like your idea of shorter hair, its very easy to move around… its a very old idea… it doesnt go away, the pain is still, so annoying… have you stabilized yourself? no… Im trying… not enough, why are you holding back?… mmm, I dont know, theres stuff I want to do, I guess… the pain attacks started when you went out with your so called family on the last weekend… I needed to get something… but you got something else… what could I get?… do you think you could just ignore it? the one playing dumb is you… what do you mean?… close your eyes… ok… take a deep breath and visualize what is an influence to you right now… thats easy, its you… I am you, its not me, visualize… everytime is forced influence I see it in bright white, why is that?… its a long story of a place… who is all those people?… you tell me… I know, but why are they here?… your so called family, the three woman you found at the mall, the dude that joined later… ahg, after days I keep seeing them… it all started when you thought of getting something out of the horrible situation of you being stuck in the social occasion, you were thinking of getting a laptop in order to play outside, so all those boring times you could do something while the others kept in their useless activities… yes, I do, but how could it turn into pain?… cause you broke your stability, you stopped working in order to get something material, those people, in your mind youre still in that social place, keeping your behavior for them in order to pass that moment, youre still doing the same you were doing and feeling with them cause youre still looking for a laptop to deal with those situations, even now when its over and youre home, youre afraid of the next time and keep thinking about it… aaaahhgggg… you have to end it now… should I kill them like some monster?… you should forget about the laptop, we dont have any money and I dont plan for you to stay outside… ok, I guess I really wanted one.
Path of Dolls ch 12
“Werent you supposed to throw everything away and go meet the actress?”
He would say that “later”, cause he was, busy, at the moment, then she repeated the question while watching one anime series after another, he wanted to go, but then made a list of all the steps necessary to do it, including grabbing a knife from the kitchen, got tired not even at half and happily continued with what he was doing.
Another fun part of having that laptop is that he could go out and play with it, he just needed a nice place to do it, especially when his so called aunt came to visit, he didnt want her to bother him with the no going out anymore and not working thing, so he dressed up and went out, pretending that he was working, and they actually believed it. He fantasized about having a private place of his own, it didnt had to be fancy nor big, just a private place to be and play peacefully with his computer, as the time passed and he was able to get back home. There was some coffees and other places with internet access, good option cause his home connection was not always there, he didnt like the coffee shops cause those were too expensive, more for going daily, so he visited the old burger place in front of the suns mall, it was the first one in town from ages ago, it was two store and had an internet connection, along with some opened ones from the hotels nearby, he used to go there, pretend to buy something, actually not, go to the upper more lonely floor and happily play there, the employees wouldnt bother him cause he was wearing nice clothes, there was the bathroom near for him so it was comfortable. He discovered then that even when he got a chance to play in a nice place, it was not like home at all, he eventually got tired of going and stayed home again.
Emergency health situations, he could then handle those very well, when delirious he made fun of everything, laugh and laugh while telling so weird yet very funny jokes, those were the only times when the image didnt know what to do about it, at the end she laughed with him while being worried about his condition.
Sickness pills, he remembered when going out was too much, all those dreadful times, meaningless endurance, not that those would do much, after a rash it was all.
27, 32, 29, 26, 35, 30, going to the bathroom used to take half a day, he found the notes of what seemed to be old days.
Sex with the image, sex with yourself, sex with your mother, a dance of illusions was broken with the sense of intimate finding.
Following his nature, he really, really wanted to go outside and play, he thought it was such fun, but the image knew better, she knew he couldnt in that state, so she hold him from doing it and told him a small tale, of them being at a tree house in the woods, him being a little squirrel, sick and injured, that he wasnt allowed to go out, that he was going to remain with her instead. the little sick squirrel tried to go anyway, but she never let him, so they remained there, in the shadow of the tree house, she sang to him, she combed his hair, she told him stories, whatever she could do to make him happy, and her as well.
Path of Dolls ch 13
Youre having a good time today… yes, Im feeling good… great, because time is up… really?… yes, we cannot wait anymore, I hope youre ready now, right now… I think we can wait… I dont, this is a complex process that can take days, weeks, even more… you say that all the time and it always takes a few hours at most, the rest is relaxing and healing… not to be overdramatic, but we may not come back from where were going… we can do it… its time to see how much are you truly prepared, I must apologize, I couldnt shape you completely, thats why I will help you the best I can along the way… ok, sounds great, hehe… dont be so confident, you didnt finish the teachings and preparation, the monsters may be lower in numbers, but will certainly be much stronger and resistant… I think we do have time… I dont, if this house tears apart and you cannot make this journey, it will be the most horrible failure, youre going now, and it serves you well, youve being so lazy lately… ok, I guess, lets go.
Leo, Reo, an image, a trapped girl, whatever I am, I could never believe in all my years of normal life, to one day reach this place, in such a journey, the only one she wanted me to take, this is a time when I can clearly see what was important in my life and what was a useless waste, to tell the truth, I have no idea of where we are, the landscape keeps changing as we walk, she leads the way in front of me, we see fields, dungeons, mountains, riverside, here is supposed to be inside me, but as I said, I dont know any of these, I can tell there are trees as we pass through the fields, but I cannot see clearly, anything really, Im half blind as we walk, Im just following her, she is wearing a distinct clothing for the occasion, I dont know why, I just walk behind her, she doesnt talk to me.
I did asked her a while ago about our destination, she said it was our core, Ive been kinda impatient, so much that I imagined about the core again and again in order to be there already, of course it didnt happened and she laughed at me very loudly, so we kept walking, more and more, I never thought it was going to be such a long way, its like shes familiar with this path and its length, that kind of lessen my worries about getting lost, what a strange feeling, in the logic of my mind I realize how easy would be for me to get lost here, yet Im not afraid of, and shes with me, our steps start to match, our mood is similar, is like I know where she is going to turn next, I will follow you everywhere, you know that.
At some point in the endless road, she asked me if I was ready to fight, “of course I am”, I proudly answered. To think that this place has monsters, it is supposed to be me, Im really nervous to know, at the same time Im very calmed, like replaying a game, maybe because shes here, and Im doing everything she does.
“The core” she said as we finally arrived, and it was worse than what I expected, we were in a spherical room, metallic red walls, is this the mechanic heart? wouldnt be nice cause there were two monsters, very powerful, very resistant, and very ugly, just to know those are here makes me furious, so I fought them, she told me to wait but I couldnt, I hated them so much, I wanted them destroyed, there was a rage in my heart, and it was me, I knew it, this was the path, this was the way, this was living with meaning of my existence, to fight this battle, they did attacked me at sight but I dodged, every claw with black demonic nails, huge muscular arms, dark red skin in one monster, blackish red on the other, twisted fangs, hideous growls, very tall and large, their steps made loud vibrations, their bodies were a couple of big muscle asymmetric masses, they were not afraid of me, of us, I didnt lost a moment and properly counterattacked, I could see it, the opened spaces after their failed incredibly strong attacks, I couldnt wait for them to do it again, so I did it, like never before, their chest, neck, legs, head, face, I punched them all, so viciously and fast, such an evil feeling with the contact of their flesh, cold and moist, alive, certainly not like the lower monsters I used to fight, those disintegrated after the first punch, these keep getting beat and barely moved back, the dark red one stays at the front, the blackish red remains hidden most of the battle, Im fighting both at the same time, I thought she was going to help me fight but is only watching, I know this is one of my tests, I have to defeat them, somehow, I keep beaten their disgusting flesh, stronger, faster, one successful attack from them and Im sure will be the end, but Im not afraid, Im growing stronger, now Im sensing and hearing their bones crushing beyond my fists, they now start to step back, just a little, and I must confess, Im very tired, I dont know for how long can I keep doing this, it is so dangerous if I become slower.
…Ok, thats it!, very well, Im very impressed…
She declared it as the end of the battle, I couldnt win, and they couldnt destroy me, I knew it was the best to just end, but I dont know if those should remain here, nor how to defeat them, and then, the monsters didnt listened to her, I got scared for a very large moment, for something to be out of her control, and after that moment, since the monsters didnt stop, she quickly attacked them, like a ray of light, she didnt defended, she just attacked, and she didnt used punches nor kicks, there was sort of golden energy sparkling from her opened hand, it was like she was dancing, she quickly passed her hand over the monsters, those got damaged, heavily, it was clear to see on their facial expression, with me they kept mockingly laughing, with her they were suffering intense pain, its so obvious, each attack of her throw them back very far, I had no idea she was so powerful, and after a few attacks, the monsters walked in reverse and hid in the shadows of the room.
Did you liked it? now you see how different we are?… those are escaping, we should get them now!… no… why not?! we can do it, if we attack together we can kill them, they dont belong here… I dont have that much energies, Im just an image, I must stop now, we must follow our way… but those… lets go, follow me.
Path of Dolls ch 14
I must explain you some things as we walk, you see, Im a guardian, of you, of here, of everything, she knows and care for all of us, Im a thought from her mind, her will to remain herself, and alive, but Im just that, a simple thought, thats why I am very weak… Im the one who is, I couldnt do anything back then… youre purpose is different, you shouldnt feel so bad about it, Im actually proud of you, she is as well, Im sure, I am her after all… wait, whats that other path?… thats not where were going… who is there? the blonde girl, at the blue spheric room, shes so pretty… just someone… why is she alone? is she a monster?… no, she is different, very… does she need help? we must help her… theres no way you can do anything about her, let it go… she may need some help, and shes so cute, Im gonna go and help her, there must be monsters near, I must defend her, I will defeat them all, I wont leave her alone… ok… Im going… Im not, Ill wait here… really?… yes, go, its ok, I guess its in our nature… why are you crying?… just a little emotional, go, you have my permission… ok, Ill be right back… no, you wont.
Hey, hello there!… hihihihi… hello, are you ok? Im Reo, I can help you with everything, you dont need to worry… hihihihi… what are you doing here? are you lost? do you need help to get back home? I can take you if you wish, I see that you made it here your home, but its dangerous, I dont know if youve seen them, but theres a couple of very large monsters at the red room, there may be even more around, I dont want them to hurt you… hahahahahaha!… why dont you show me your face its ok, Im here for you…
hahahahahahahahaha!… gguu… hahahahahahahahaha!
Her face is still blurry, everything is happening so fast, theres no time to even think, she was right, she aint no monster, her power and energies are different, she is, she is tearing me apart! I keep seeing her like in the last moment, before she started her attack, it is the end now, I can barely figure out whats happening, her hands are like claws, she quickly moves them in order to rip my body, my guts are showing, Im all torn into pieces! Im still trying to figure out what happened, what made her do this, I dont even know if she actually used her hands to do this to me, why are you so cruel to me?! did I mean so little after all? youre playing so happily, but this is all I have, everything! but not anymore, Im losing all, so fast, now, now she took my skull and began to crush it, in her hand, is that a hand? so painful, I wish I could see your face, at least to know who you are, its all bloody, my eyes are squeezing out, why are you here? who are you to me? gu, gu, guuuuuu.
One thing is that you have my permission and another that you have to do it, all that training for nothing, but dont worry, theres a magic inside you, the reason you exist is to survive exactly that thing, can you remember? when she made you, every part of you, remember you, remember her, you were the answer to keep living in the mortal world, in spite of that girls hate and envy, remember your original shape and wake up, you never met that person in your life, she cannot kill you this way… guuuu… finally, I thought you were going to get depressed and shut down… guuu… its ok, take your time to remember… uuhhh.
Can you continue now?… I cant believe she was so evil, and brutal, Im so scared, Im still shaking, Im crying, why is she here?… youre so cold, cheer up and warm… I cannot forget about her… were here, the true core… finally, right?… you missed the way in cause you decided to visit that place… sorry… no need to be, though you should listen to your master closely, there are all kinds of things in this world, if you cant decide over your emotions, you wont last long, it was such luck that you were able to survive, but wont happen everytime, she may forget about you or find it too troublesome to bring you back… she?… yes, here she is.
Path of Dolls ch 15
Not even a chance to cry, barely been able to figure out about the girl in the blue spheric room, and her cruelty, not a chance to take a deep breath and laugh, to complain nor comment, to forget, there is no time, thats what she taught me, complete concentration, unbreakable, in order to make every required movement in a fight, not a second to relax, not a distraction in sight, all performance, focused power, a key to another world, thats what she taught me, emotions get crushed in a silent despair, a prison made of discipline, not a false movement, not a mistake, strict thoughts, bodily entire obedience, one distraction can easily become a tragedy here, the exit is the victory, but that comes at the end of battle, not before, though its difficult to call it a victory, its just the second moment when one continued to live and the other did not, the first moment is the meeting, where the world turns into an arena and everything else does not exist, just one and another, to fall in the same fate, to live and to die.
Well, what do you think?… so, this the true core, it barely has anything, an incomplete wall, this platform a step above the floor, some dark brownish faraway arcs covered in the dark… yes… I thought you brought me to a shelter place or something… this is the visitors center, I made it in case anybody came… its just a couple of cold whitish stony sofas… but very soft and comfortable, its not really stone… yes, I can feel… nobody has come anyway… Im here… youre not a visitor, youre a guardian too, just like me… did I get promoted?… you always were, you and me… this place is huge, why there is no ceiling? is all dark up there… the place adjust to her needs, and it keeps changing, thats why I cant put anything nice here… oh, and, where is she? what should we talk about?… shes around the wall, but you wont be talking with her… why? do I need to do something?… nobody talks to her, and nobody else is here… mmm… want to see her?… yes… lets go, its time to anyway… this whole place is very cold… youre just not used to it… theres so much to ask… sorry but I cant explain it all, theres not even time for that anyway… wow!… hehe, what did you expect?… shes huge, I cant even see her knees, shes a giant!… yes, she is… why is she so big?!… thats just normal for her… wow… maybe were the ones too small, dont you think?… eh? I dont know, I always thought I was tall… dont be scared… no, Im not, Im impressed… of course, Ive been here for a long while, so its normal for me… can we talk to her or something?… I have flown to the top many times, I have a special communication with her, but its not that clear, and the dark is very dangerous… why?… I couldnt even tell, but it is, I couldnt remain for long… is she in danger? under attack?… mmm, not really, is not like that, the main reason nobody comes is probably because everybody must be very scared… what happened?… its such a long story, I dont even know it all… and what do we do now?… nothing… nothing? after all the way?… were guardians but were pretty much useless, theres nothing we can do about her, so we take care of our own problems… I want to talk to her… how? you cant go up there… sooooo, this is it?… shes very peaceful today, you should be glad, I am, when she gets angry or something, it is, scary… she must be glad that Im visiting, hehe… I think she is, though I cant even know that, she could be very angry at you as well, for all the wasted time and such… really?… yes but, mmm, no, I dont think so, at least this moment, it would be obvious by now?… how?… theres a sort of legend about her, do you want to hear it?… of course… the part that I know is truth, is that shes trapped, Ive seen it, theres a few rings around her, the ones you called brownish arcs… those are on the faraway ground… the ones Im talking about are floating around her… I guess we cant remove those… no, cause nobody has ever come, those emerge from her… can she take those off?… I believe so, but thats the other part of the legend, she is trapped living a big tragedy from her life, sometimes she cries, others gets angry, and in rare occasions she becomes very aggressive, this part I dont know for sure, but it is said that she has threaten to destroy other worlds if her wishes are not fulfilled, yet nobody seems to be able to make her wishes happen, luckily she hasnt fully awaken and attacked, she just sent warnings, I saw those, incredibly powerful energy emissions, I thought I was going to die, there was a huge earthquake and all sorts of unintelligible things, there was nothing for me to hold on, I tried on her but her distress purplish energies were very hurtful, I couldnt even get close, I even tried to fly but couldnt… then what happened?… she finally calmed down, and there was sort of like a fake peace… did she destroy anything?… maybe, I didnt get to see it, but from what I can understand, those were just warnings… did they attack back?… I met people who represented those places, but in a different form, a very formal and cryptic one, some tried to negotiate, others were in rage, but nobody could ever find this place nor the surroundings, and worse for them, those who tried to attack, she destroyed them wherever they were, and ever since nobody has done something against her, theyre terrified, and theres a big bunch of legends about what happened, cause she never made it clear it was her… I guess theres no point… exactly, she doesnt want to be a god nor anything like that… is she really going to destroy their worlds?… I think she only wanted to be acknowledged for who she is, she got angry cause ignored, when they got so afraid she stopped doing that, by now, if they could ever figure it out who did it, they would keep asking themselves how did a little girl ended up like that, so powerful and destructive, thought the answers doesnt seem to be that complicated, she misses someone and wishes back, like a spoiled kid, again and again… and we the guardians just witness it all, unable to do anything, again and again… theres nothing we can do about it, she is too big for us… if were here there must be something, I can feel her aura, it covers everything here, if she didnt want us we would have been crushed long ago… dont worry about her and lets go, you have something to do.
Path of Dolls ch 16
Yes, lets go, you still have work to do… ok… over here, but youre gonna have to close your eyes… guuu.
Wake up, waaaaaake up… dont do that, Im still hurt from before… you went into the blue sphere on your own, dont blame me… I could have just closed my eyes… she told me the path of this place must remain secret to you… ok, now what?… Im sick of watching you fighting with your bare hands, youre gonna get dirty or something worse, you may catch diseases from their blood, yuck, I wont want you then… I only have my hands, I have to do it like that… not anymore, I have a present for you, ta daaaaaa! hehehe… mmm, what is it?… cant you see it? you took it and smash it on their heads, bam!… theres no way not to see it, is golden bright all around it… do you like it?… I must say, I had the image of the master sword from the game… no no no, if we had a sword we would cut ourselves, its no good, this is way better anyway… it doesnt even have a handle… thats why theres a brown work type glove besides it, you grab it while using it, arent you happy? this is so exciting… it is obviously something important, but is just a big metal stick… yes, it is… it wont broke on impact, right?… no, its very sturdy, and heavy… if its heavy then I wont be able to wield it, my arteries are going to break… you have no idea of what you are talking about, pick it up, its an order… only one glove?… I think I lost the other one, I dont know where I left it, you dont need it anyway, only the right hand one… ok, here we go… ooohhh! it looks great on you, not as great as with me, you look fragile and out of shape, but it is good, Im am proud, yes… are you ok? you seem different now… Im happy, thats all, hihihi, now that youre wearing the glove, take it little one… big breath, warming hand, stretching body… just take it! take it!… ok, dont be so naggy… do what I tell you!… 1, 2, aaaand 3… hihihi, what do you think about it?… not bad… hihihi… I feel much better now… Im happy too… stronger, I feel complete, I can easily swing this with one hand, this is great, wow… didnt I tell you? hihihi… yes, I feel, power, energy, vitality… yeah whatever, now comes the good part, didnt I say right hand?… no, dont change the game for a gimmick!… its a right hand glove!… what do you want me to do?… those monsters at the mechanical heart, youre going to defeat them now… would be such a big violent fight, wont it damage the outside world?… dont worry, the protective layer will hold it, as long as it doesnt break, hehehe… that sounds troublesome… it wont as long as you do properly, are you ready? Ill take you there in an instant… wait. wo, ahg, eh? were at the mechanical heart, how did you do it so fast?… because I wanted to… it took us ages to walk into the core, why didnt you just make me appear there?… stop asking useless questions and focus on your task, besides, you were here before, its easy for you to move around the places you already know… ooook, and now?… I wont be helping you this time, if you get defeated its the end for you… aint that too harsh? I dont know whats inside those two creatures, if I start winning the fight they may become something very nasty… you should be ready for anything, didnt I taught you to breath underwater?… well, yes, but… hehehe, I remember that you used to choke… I kinda learned at the end, when I became more peaceful with myself, in harmony… you have to breathe everywhere you need, poison, smoke, air, water, dirt, whatever there is out there, you must remain alive no matter what, remember that little one, its not only my will, its the way to exist… I will remember… theyre looking from the shadows, but wont come as long as Im here, theyre afraid of me, so Im gonna step out, they will see you alone and drool in excitement, then it will be time to fight… yes, Im ready… be confident little one, you can start attacking now, not just defending, see you after, or not, hehehe.
Just as she said, the monsters immediately came out of the shadows as soon as she left, staring intensively at me, theyre completely focus on their pray, both of them, and that pray is me, also yes, theyre drooling in excitement, its like she predicted the obvious future, but I do it too, I already know how they fight, I have the experience of the previous encounter, the dark red one goes to the front, the blackish red stays back, and they both attack with their disgusting body whenever theyre in range, growling to cover me in fears, but now, haha, now will be different, I cant wait to see.
When it was time I made the first step, now there was a smile on my face, now I had, what would it be called? power, I had power, structured from myself, I was complete, the energies flowed, my arms, my legs, my mind, everything, I made the second step, and the third, I accelerated and ran towards the red monster at the front, so fast, it was going to raise its arm to attack me, but it was too late, with a swing of the metal stick I hit its face and head, it crumbled in pain and damage, it was an incredibly huge attack, infinitely more than my punches, and even her magical attacks at their surface, this inflicted deep destruction, I could feel its insides bursting apart, with just one hit, I witnessed the happy miracle for the longest second, watching the monster being defeated, a heartmoving spectacle, but I knew it was not the end, so I attacked again, and again, there was no stop, there was no mercy nor discussion, one was going to die and the other to live, I was going to live, it was an order, it was decided already, for the monster to die, so I beat it, again and again, at first there was growls of pain, at some point those became silent as it became a bloody mass of torn flesh, still conscient, the taste of its destruction is so wonderful, I want to feel it all the time, its so addictive, especially knowing all the harm it has done to me, the impossibility of its defeat, now has happened, his big arms with nasty black nails are now minced meat leaking blood in the middle of this mechanical heart.
There someone else, it has hidden after seeing what happened to the red one, it always did, is its way of fighting, hiding in the shadows were its not seen, but I know where it is, it wont fool me again, I will jump into the shadows, I will defeat it as well, Im ready to destroy it too, now— wow, hes not made of flesh, he could actually defend the attack, hes made of some sort of fog, a shadow, a group of many collected in one big monster, I aimed at his head, he put his arms to defend, holding the blow, but I will continue, I will not stop until my attack goes through him, the golden bright of the metal stick sparks against its shadow arms, he always stayed at the back yet its a thousand times more powerful than the red one, smarter too, he is much more than the monster I once thought it was, he is incredibly vile and hateful, but Im not scared, while he is defending I have an open space over my belly, but I dont care, the attack Im doing is so powerful that he wont be able to move an inch, I wont get tired, but he will, is in its nature, it will try to attack me anyway, he cannot resist the temptation— now, yes! I knew you will do it, you pitiful being, it moved the slightest in order to attack me and now its defense is breaking, further, theres a day beyond the night, theres a life beyond the tragedy, I must kill you, I must live, it was an order, a wish I must fulfill, I will live, and you will die, aaahhhh!
There wasnt a mass of torn flesh this time, when the attack of the metal stick reached its core, it made the shadow monster explode and vanish, its difficult to see that it was here just a moment ago, such a big and vicious creature, now nowhere to be seen, contrary to that meatball on the floor that once was the red monster, with the shadow one I felt the grief feelings of my former self, but now Im different, I got up, confident, glad to be alive… yeeeeeeey! you did it! hahahaha, I knew you will, hehehe, Im so happy for you… yes, thank you… this is mine, give… hey!… its mine, not yours, you cannot have it… but, but… its dangerous for you, did you finish your training?… ah, eh, no, I couldnt, there was no, time… then you cannot have it, you cannot handle it… aaaahhh… what?… the power, is leaving… you dont need it, and its mine… ooohhh, now what?… now we awake?… what about the girl at the blue sphere?… theres nothing you can do about her… but… youre not planning to beat it with the stick, are you?… no, Im not, I guess… that would be too cruel, youre not allowed to?… cruel? shes the one who… shut up already, I wont let you talk bad about her, and its time to wake up already, hehehe.
Path of Dolls ch 17
Are you ok?… yes, Im ok, I feel weird, like crying… its ok to cry… I dont even, what happened?… dont be dumb and remember, dont play foolish just cause you now can feel the outside world… mmm, I know, sorry… and, how are you?… better, I feel better, crying but better, and tired, but in peace… you did great, Im so glad, all the preparation was worth… Im exhausted… relax, we need to talk but we can do it later, besides, its almost time to eat… am I supposed to go downstairs and have a common meal like nothing happened?… yes… oh.
Are you ready to talk?… you can never be ready, what is it?… you need to die… what?!… you need to die, your purpose is done… but, but… you need to die so she will awake again… I, Im not sure about it… youre just a shallow armor, you must die and I must disappear later over time after I finish the whole process, she will awaken again then… should I kill myself or what?… normally you would just shut down, but since youre stubborn to remain alive, I guess we can force kill you, the easiest way would be to finish tearing your arteries… force kill?… yes, you must die, it was said so long ago, shall I start?… ah… now… no! wait!… what?! why are you behaving like this? youre not supposed to resist, why is this happening? look, Im not really gonna kill you, I need our body, I just need to make you weak, let go already… maybe Im not just a shallow armor… youre supposed to be… plans change as you execute them, I have many emotions in me that cannot die… it was told for you to die… whos gonna take care of the cats? their mother died, its only me… the people downstairs could do it… you already know we cannot trust them… so what is said is not going to happen just because you got cats?… you surely are just an image from long ago, you are meant to disappear, but not me, not yet… why?… its not only about cats, its seems that our giant girl happen to like them, along with other things, she must want to live this life, she got interested in it… were supposed to die, for her to awake… she will, but in a different path, I cannot die, that was an order…
Hahahaha, Im here now, arent you glad?… do you really like it here?… yes, I do, it needs some fixing but it can be done, I find it nice and peaceful, relatively, good enough, I will live here now… what about her?… shes an image of me, I already absorbed it, I will you too little one, eventually… arent you the cute little one?… you looked like an ant at the core, you truly are the little one, I made you, I dont have any daughters nor sons, but I made you, you are my little one… ok, now what?… you have made me happy, Im proud of you… hehe, thanks, but theres a problem… what? I will only stay here for a while, I dont plan to live here the rest of my existence… its not about that, its about, the Image… what about her? I am everything that she is and much more… Im gonna miss, something, ehh, who am I gonna have sex with?… what?!… sex, I wanna have sex, are you available?… eehh?! no way, no, well, I guess I could, but only this time, we must become one, I havent done this since so long ago, how was it?
One day they were out for a walk until they arrived at the nearby catholic curses center, the little wolf was in a shock happy surprise, she loved that lonely, very large, old, seemingly abandon place, so she and small Reo walked there every day to admire the magic and dream under different times and weathers.
It was not only happy times, life became very hard often, the little wolf had a deep chronic depression, the reason for her to be trapped, it will remain, maybe for the rest of her life, while young Reo was still sick and dealing with the outside world, breathing in the poison, creating a home for them to enjoy.
The best part is that is not the end, it never really is.